Relationship Counsellor
Over the last 26 years as a relationship counsellor and coach I have noticed that many people do not have healthy emotional boundaries in their families and relationships. This, I believe is why our society is so messed up.
Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships.
A person who always keeps others at a distance (whether emotionally, physically, or otherwise) is said to have rigid boundaries. Alternatively, someone who tends to get too involved with others has porous boundaries.
In every relationship, we have our own boundaries. They are guidelines, rules, and limits. Your boundary may be that you won’t tolerate being lied to or put down. When your personal boundaries have been crossed you feel as though you have been taken advantage of or used. This is particularly evident in Couples Therapy.
When someone’s boundaries are not clear it is difficult to have healthy relationships. Instead, one partner tends to take too much on board and becomes miserable, then blames their partner or others when things go wrong. You need to be clear in what you want and take responsibility for your own needs, self-esteem, and happiness. Then and only then will your relationships become healthier. If others cross your line, you need to let them know immediately in an assertive way to avoid conflict.
Relationship Boundaries
For a relationship to be healthy I recommend as a relationship counsellor coach for over 26 years you need time to work on yourself and personal boundaries, so you are allowed to be yourself. Most people have a mix of different boundary types. For example, someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in romantic relationships, and a mix of all three types with their family. One size does not fit all!
The appropriateness of boundaries depends heavily on setting. What’s appropriate to say when you’re out with friends might not be appropriate when you’re at work.
Some cultures have very different expectations when it comes to boundaries. For example, in some cultures it’s considered wildly inappropriate to express emotions publicly. In other cultures, emotional expression is encouraged.
Co-dependent relationships have particular difficulty in maintaining boundaries, and for them, it is essential to learn to define and protect your boundaries in effective ways. For ways to improve your life and relationships, I recommend as a marriage relationship counsellor, coach downloading in this website a copy of “Build Your Love Bank” for a start. Day 3 will really help build your Love Bank. The book is filled with exciting tips, suggestions, and information on how to increase your love for your partner at an optimal level.
