Visiting a marriage counsellor, coach is a very serious and constructive action to take so choose wisely who you go too.If your marriage or relationship is in trouble, then counselling is most likely your last option, this is when your love bank is at its lowest and basically all communication has gone and you have resentment towards your partner.If counselling fails to find a way through the chaos, then your marriage is most likely going to come to an end. If you are not having success with your counsellor, you need to look at a number of issues.
The first reaction many people have is that counselling is useless and that the counsellor is also useless. And YES many are.This is why I do COACHING and I feel coaching is a far better alternative looking at the future not concentrating on the past. There are two components to counselling, and for it to be successful they must both be present. The first is the commitment from the couple. All too often we hear of couples complaining about counselling when the real problem has been a lack of commitment and quality time together from them. For example not doing the homework given to them in the form of communication manuals, relationship manuals or DVDs to watch, the main excuse being – we have been so busy.
For any type of counselling or coaching to be effective, couples must be totally committed and serious to wanting their relationship to work and to wanting to resolve the issues. If one or both are really only paying for lip service at their counselling sessions, then there is no way they are going to find success in any relationship, now or in the future.
The second half of the equation does indeed revolve around the counsellor. However, it’s not their competence that is at issue in most cases. It is whether or not everyone feels comfortable in the environment, and with each other and where the counselling is done. I prefer to go to the clients home as you see the couple for who they really are and have far better results than sitting in some stuffy room. Most counsellors and psychologist tend to sit in a room everyday with clients and never venture outside there comfort zone.
Also the clients are far more relaxed especially if they have been working all day and then have to rush out to see a counsellor. As well as all this, sometimes the male feels uncomfortable with another male as a counsellor, or vice-versa; and the same can be said of women. There are times when counsellors will organize a co-counselling session – the male with a male counsellor that he can relate to and the female with a female co resolve issues, bringing the couple together when required and working with them individually when required. If you feel counselling is not working, then your first step is to communicate with your counsellor. Sit down with them to determine why you are not getting anywhere, and what barriers you are finding.
Don’t just go from counsellor to counsellor, counsellor hopping we call it, or quit. Your counsellor may recommend visiting another counsellor; they may recommend co-counselling; or they may suggest that each of you review your commitment before continuing. Whatever you do, discuss these issues with your counsellor, or coach we don’t bite.
Take a look at my set of ebooks “Secrets to a Romantic Love Affair in One Week with your partner”
These books are filled with great tips, stories and are very affordable compared to a counsellor or divorce courts and are guaranteed to kick start your relationships into a most rewarding way.