We all know our situation better than most, but when we look at our situation we are actually the one least likely to see how to resolve it.
It is not a case of you not being smart or insightful, you are simply too close to see your relationships clearly. Or you just keep going around in circles getting nowhere, or playing ‘Snakes & Ladders’ for years, getting better then going back to the start.
In the case of your marriage you need to be working with a coach, a 3rd party expert. Not a counsellor but a person like me who gives you strategies and tools that work!