“We just don’t have enough time in the day.” This is one saying I hear repeated more and more often from couples everyday in front of me and on the phone struggling in marriages or relationships, especially those who are trying to bring up a family. They seem to really understand many of the characteristics of a happy rewarding marriage. They have read all the tips and suggestions in books and online on how to improve their marriage. However, when it comes down to actually doing the work necessary to make their marriage work, they feel incapable because of all the demands on their present busy schedule. I have even noticed over the years they don’t even take the time to do the tasks I give them to save their marriages. They’re put in the too hard basket, sadly to say even when they tell me they’re dead serious about saving their marriage and working on themselves they don’t make the time or effort.
Everyday couples call me or send me a message and are in desperate need of help to fix their relationships and marriages to help them stop arguing and bickering and improve their communication, most leave it too late to fix, or try to fix it themselves and make a bigger mess.
When I call back, there just not contactable. And don’t call me back due to being so busy, very frustrating! This year 2022 nearly all marriages out there that I have not seen and even marriages that I see will END as a result of no time for communication and WORKING too much if they don’t change the way they think, leading to a change in attitudes and behaviours.
So you better start to give your partner your undivided attention and start listening and spending time together for a lovely healthy relationship. A MINIMUM of 10 hours each week is recommended by relationship experts and myself using the time to meet the emotional needs of affection, sexual fulfillment, intimate conversation, and recreational companionship. If this is not met your marriage will surely die slowly, if you don’t use the love polish as I say to remove the rust of resentment. My new question to couples these days now is, “Do you have the time to be married?” Sadly most don’t or worse still cannot be bothered.
No one hopefully would deny the relationship between quality time and marital happiness, though many do and wonder why their marriages come to an end. Couples have to regularly relate to one another to have any hope of success. I teach couples that, when two people–either knowingly or unknowingly fail to spend time with one another, their relationship is destined for failure every time.
Yet what is best for a couple to do when they feel like they don’t have enough time to be happy?
When you feel you don’t have time for your marriage:
1. You steal. Take time, borrow time. Knowing the difference between time spent together and marital satisfaction, a WISE couple will always be on the lookout for ways to steal time, a text while sitting in the shopping centre or at work a phone call in between appointments, meeting one another at home for lunch, etc. By stealing areas of time throughout a week, a couple can feel a closer connection with one another and their love bank increases for one another as emotional points are added.
2. You make time to give points to their love bank. Some couples might be busier than others, and that’s true but you are not busier than everyone else you are as busy as you make yourself. Consider for a moment you see or know a couple with a happy HEALTHY marriage whose schedule is more hectic than yours. They have found a way to make it work, so also you. Believe me, we all have the same amount of time in a week. If you want a healthy loving
marriage, make the conscious decision to spend quality time with your partner. If you don’t make the time, you will never find the time
I promise you. So make the time no excuses, okay? Make your marriage a priority from now.
3. You give time. One of the joys of co-parenting is we can negotiate trade-offs or deals with our partners. One parent can get up early while the other sleeps in. One can entertain the kids while the other goes for a run or go out for a coffee just like the birds in the nest they work together, don’t they? By giving time to your partner for them to rejuvenate or accomplish something they need to get done, they are more likely to have some time to give you. This stops resentment which is the death of all relationships and marriages. Which I have noticed over 25 years as a marriage coach.
4. Stop giving yourself to other people and being a people pleaser. Most couples never consider the need to restrict a family’s commitments for the sake of protecting their marriage. If you never tell your children “no” and set strong boundaries regarding a sporting event, activity, and other time-consuming demands, you probably aren’t doing a good job in prioritizing your marriage remembering your marriage comes first no matter what. Refuse to commit your family to some demands in order to save that time for your partner. It may feel selfish to you but no one will benefit more from a happy marriage than your children won’t they. The one who spends too much time on other people always is the loneliest in the end. Always make your partner the last client of the day. Meaning keeping some energy for them not what’s leftover, okay?
5. You maximize time. For many couples, they spend enough time together to have a healthy relationship, but it’s the worst time of the day. Spending your worst hour with one another when you are most exhausted and distracted is of less value than spending your best 20 minutes together. If the only time you interact with your partner is at the very end of the day, when you’re exhausted you aren’t giving them your best time like you did when you first met, remember those days when you couldn’t wait to be together. Figure out when you are at your best and find a way to give your partner some of that time, not the crumbs leftover. When you first met and dated I repeat again. I hope you gave each other the best of you. So do the same as you did then, okay?
Creating a happy marriage is not an easy task. In our high-speed world of noise with a multitude of demands and pressures, it’s easier to choose a variety of pressing issues over spending time with our partner. Yet happy couples have a habit they find a way. Longing to be with one another hopefully they use every tactic possible to find a way to be with each other if they truly love each other. And let’s be honest if your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you I feel you need to re-evaluate the relationship seriously.
Unhealthy couples forever live in the delusion that they simply don’t have the opportunity to be happy with one another. They find an excuse for every reasonable suggestion and slowly allow their relationship to die.
When you feel there is no time for your marriage, steal it, make it, give it, refuse it, and maximize it because without it, your marriage cannot thrive. And that’s the truth like it or not. So next time you’re thinking of buying something that you don’t really need, think of how many hours you have to work to own it and how many hours you won’t be with your family, wife or husband. But the more important time for YOU. Retail therapy just does not work it’s short term happiness. Another area for losing time is people-pleasing which is destructive behaviour, as I said earlier first you must please your partner before you go out and please everyone else. Or you may not just have a partner left to come home to one day when they are sick of you not being there. They just may find another who is there for them and listens to them. And that normally leads to something called Infidelity or cheating. And I’m seeing more and more of that everyday in this BUSY, BUSY world.
If you’re serious I said serious about renewing your marriage, you’ve got to read my e-books. This is what thousands of people and couples Australia wide are using as a “handbook” to restore their marriage or relationship. Start by ordering my 7 ebooks, ”Secrets To A Romantic Love Affair In One Week with your partner.” Click on this link below to order my set ebooks now! also if not too busy give me a call to help you have that lovely healthy marriage you really want. www.apcservices.com.au